akflyer

I have a special velcro strap...but it sucks in a emergency...

you still suck

hmm.. must be something you said... now you got the new guy in town for ya...

you can lead a horse to water.......

Hey Steve... this ones for you..

By the way... nice pic.  Must be hell to have to go to work there everyday.

Steve,

Did you keep a copy of your dissertation on the MTOW debate you had posted up on the previous version of this site? I am hoping you had it in a word doc or something.. It may be helpful to post it up again if you do have it..I am still seeing lots of advertisements in magazines etc. for the "sport eligible 1320 gross weight"  I am still looking on my paperwork for any mention of a "gross weight" (or any weight for that matter) and have yet to see one mention of it other than a hand written 1085 on the original sales ticket when the kit was purchased.

I had to read you nice jab twice to figure it out... then I spewed my bloody Mary on my key board.. thanks  I was trying to nurse the hangover away with a good spicy one and now my friggin nose is on fire!

whew.. he steps up to the plate... and hit a double... now whos gonna bring the runners home? Steve?

If not perfect, were damn close to it 

I wonder if I should test the waters and see if anyone is open to a few questions... like where the f$%* does it have a certified max weight on the airworthiness or paperwork... Mine doesn't.. and where does it say "gross" weight...

Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's privates and he will stop snoring.

"Yeah right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's privates.

Sure enough, the dog stops snoring!

The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's jewels.

Amazingly, it also works on him. The woman sleeps soundly.

He wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or, what we did, but, by God, we took first and second place.

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly

He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. 

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good, " she replied. "Get your own f#%king blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.       

http://www.full-lotus.com/pilot/pilot_corner_archive.htm

Link to the write up and a few pics..

looks like alot of bad choices were made by the pilots, with very little to do with the aircraft... It is very easy to say in an emergency #1 fly the plane.. In training I has an instructor that refused to let you fly level.. turn you head and he was pulling the power and drilling emergency procedures into you.  I cant tell you how many practice engine outs I had, some all the way to an off airport landing to get a few "soft field" landings in.  Well when it came to the real thing happening to me on take off with minumum airspeed, no more runway, and lots of trees, I did not do the right thing that time.  I focused on a restart and got busy in the cockpit.  Let me tell you that 100' of altitude at about 60 mph in a pacer on floats is gone in about 1.5-2 seconds.  I am fully convinced that if it were not for the full lotus floats, I would not be typing this today.  All I remeber was a loud backfire, loss of a comforting sound, pushed the nose over checked fuel tanks, checked mags (prop was windmilling so it should have restarted), looked up and said oh shit this is gonna hurt ( I distinctly remember that) as the windshield filled with dirt and snow...I was nocked out for a few but came up pissed off and swearing.. The kids were running across the field think that Dad was a gonner and screaming so I climbed out as fast as I could after turning off the fuel and master.  For some reason as I crawled out I grabbed the keys lol.. I got out turned around and took one look at the plane, got even madder, kicked it called it really bad things and threw the keys across the field..(took me awhile to find them later on).  After we got everyone calmed down, we pulled it apart put it on a trailer and went to have Thansgiving day dinner... Could have been alot worse.  I have the full write up on the full lotus site with pictures..

see... over there I have to hold my tounge.. here I am free to say...dude were you    I saw that and wanted sooooo bad to ask WTF ?  If you have integral part of your craft that you know is bad??? I say drop 40 bucks and fix it right then and there.  I am kinda a tight ass with money but I do draw the line when my feet leave the ground.

I was just doing a little research on this and dropped the question to Shell.  We will see if they answer anytime in the near future.

here is the answer..

In case you may need a laugh:

Always remember that it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one!

Reassurance for all those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.

S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces    a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from the midget.

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the Tampa Airport . The

pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our

final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us

today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area".

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can

hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot can be heard

saying to the pilot, "So, Skip, what-cha got planned while we're in

Tampa?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and

take a big crap...then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the

huge tits out for dinner.... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take

her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all

night long."

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and

immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure

out who this new steward ess is that the pilot's talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the

plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the

cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips

over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear.

He's gotta take a shit first."

thats a tough call.. But a great picture!

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to

Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny , Fred's little brother, gets up and has his

breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred

and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to

school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I

gave him my airplane glue."

http://www.glumbert.com/media/laugh

Bet you cant watch this without laughing as hard as this guy is...

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?

IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?

IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?

IF - YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?

IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?

IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU,

WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?

SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

HELLOOooo!!!!!!!!!

YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG FREEKIN HOUSE!

;5 Winning Smart Ass Answers For 2005

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened

his trench coat and flashed at her.

Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not

your stub."

*****************

Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but

she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,

"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

*******************

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding

rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop

said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." 

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a

ticket.

*******************

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that

reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead

of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to

the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of

gas."

*******************

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here

tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury

or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other

excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What

would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter

sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was

restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head

and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your

other hand."

Three friends from de local Cajun congregation of Thibodeaux , Louisiana were asked, "When you in your casket, and your friends and church members are mourning over you, what would you like dem to say?"

Jacques said: "I would like dem to say, I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Fouche commented: "I would like dem to say, I was a wonderful teacher, and servant of da church, who made a huge difference in people's lives." ............ .....

Boudreaux said: "I'd like dem to say, "Look, he's movin!"

sounds like a great way to vacation.. Good luck on the training.  The champ is a piece of cake to fly and landings are a no brainer in it... you want something that will keep you on your toes try a pacer in a good cross wind!  Speed management is the key to a good landing.  Get you speeds set up on approach dont come in fast then try to bleed it off right at the end as you will float way down the runway.  If the plane stalls at say 40 then my approach would not be over 45 when I cross the numbers.  A quick flare to arrest sink rate and you are on the ground with the stick in your lap!  Most of the strips I fly into do not allow you to be floating down the runway.  you have one shot at it and if you are too high or fast, you better get the power in now and go around or you will be cutting trees at the end or swimming in the river..

EAA 975 is hosting their annual pancake breakfast, swap meet and poker run on Saturday the 30th.  Hope the weather holds!  Any Alaskan EAA members or anyone with an interest in aviation is welcome.

Keep it up Steve... you will find me on your doorstep begging, pleading and crying......

now tell us the story about why you learned to keep the stick in your lap.. she get a but squirrely on ya?

Welcome aboard!