akflyer

Well last Friday I got my first turn left seat in a kitfox (mod II).  First landing was a bit uhhh.. ugly, but we walked away.. actually flew away.. a few more and I was turned loose for solo.. It takes a bit to get used to but was nothing too major.  I have put in a couple hours a day since then.  This little bird is a kick. Cant wait to get my Avid in the air!

Leni

Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's privates and he will stop snoring.

"Yeah right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's privates.

Sure enough, the dog stops snoring!

The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's jewels.

Amazingly, it also works on him. The woman sleeps soundly.

He wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or, what we did, but, by God, we took first and second place.

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly
He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. 
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
               
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
                       
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
               
"Good, " she replied. "Get your own f#%king blanket."
               
After a moment of silence, he farted.       

here is the answer..

In case you may need a laugh:

Always remember that it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one!

Reassurance for all those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces    a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the Tampa Airport . The
pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our
final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us
today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area".

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can
hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot can be heard
saying to the pilot, "So, Skip, what-cha got planned while we're in
Tampa?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and
take a big crap...then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the
huge tits out for dinner.... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take
her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all
night long."

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and
immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure
out who this new steward ess is that the pilot's talking about.
Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the
plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the
cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips
over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear.
He's gotta take a shit first."

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to
Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny , Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred
and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to
school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I
gave him my airplane glue."

http://www.glumbert.com/media/laugh

Bet you cant watch this without laughing as hard as this guy is...

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:


IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?

IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?

IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?

IF - YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?

IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?

IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU,
WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?



SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?




HELLOOooo!!!!!!!!!



YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG FREEKIN HOUSE!

;5 Winning Smart Ass Answers For 2005
 
Smart Ass Answer #5:
 
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
 
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
 
his trench coat and flashed at her.
 
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not
 
your stub."
 
*****************
 
Smart Ass Answer #4:
 
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
 
she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
 
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
 
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
 
*******************
 
 
Smart Ass Answer #3:
 
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
 
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
 
said.
 
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." 
 
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
 
ticket.
 
*******************
 
Smart Ass Answer #2:
 
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
 
reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead
 
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
 
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to
 
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
 
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
 
gas."
 
*******************
 
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................
 
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
 
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
 
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury
 
or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
 
excuses whatsoever!"
 
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What
 
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
 
sexual exhaustion?"
 
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was
 
restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head
 
and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
 
other hand."

Three friends from de local Cajun congregation of Thibodeaux , Louisiana were asked, "When you in your casket, and your friends and church members are mourning over you, what would you like dem to say?"

Jacques said: "I would like dem to say, I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Fouche commented: "I would like dem to say, I was a wonderful teacher, and servant of da church, who made a huge difference in people's lives." ............ .....

Boudreaux said: "I'd like dem to say, "Look, he's movin!"